Hooked to negative talk

When our self confidence in low,  it takes longer to get out of negative self-talk . It also takes us longer to get out of the company of people who are being negative to us. It seems unclear whether the criticism is coming from outside and we are internalising it. Or whether the evidence given by the people outside substantiates our own internal fears.

Since, we are already low in confidence , we are almost hooked to such negative people as we tend to believe that if they accept us, then we are Ok. The most unfortunate thing is that they would NEVER accept us with our strategy of being dependent on them. Some reasons would be that the criticism they are giving us probably makes them  feel useful and supportive or powerful. Now, they have no motivation to change that. A tailspin.

We have to find a way to cut the chord and move to a healthier place socially. And keep the hope that there are people that we would meet in the future who would accept us unconditionally. At a later point, maybe we would have the confidence to make a healthier relationships with those we had the courage to let go of.

If already you feel a surge in confidence and would like to have an open talk with people who put you down, then Non-violent communication technique will help. Tell people, “When I observe that you said such and such thing, I feel hurt/shamed/guilty……and have a need for respect/acceptance/privacy…….are you willing to not talk about my physical looks? or are you willing to tell me what was going on in you when you said this? Were you needing honesty?”

Advertisements
This entry was posted in Communication. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s